i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
