he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
