He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Randomize
