your parents love me but you hate me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
