remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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