i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
