it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
