this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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