Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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