Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
