so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
