He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
