and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
