I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
