someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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