was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
