I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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