I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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