you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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