i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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