the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
