I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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