Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
