she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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