"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
