I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
