I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
