True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
