I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
