During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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