i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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