did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
