y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
