Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
