my mouth tastes like poor choices
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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