I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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