4 words: hood of his car
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
