Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
