1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
