Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
