Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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