we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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