I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
