fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
