I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
