it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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