he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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