I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
