So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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