We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
