areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
