Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
