Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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