last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
