What did we do last night that was yellow?
no, he came in my armpit
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
